A wise school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.
My friend Rhonda was telling me how rushed she was that morning getting her three children off to school. One of them had a field trip, but Rhonda couldn't find the permission slip anywhere. She finally wrote a note to the teacher explaining she had lost the form but it was okay for her child to go on the trip. Later Rhonda got a call from the teacher saying the note she had sent was scribbled on the back of the "lost" permission slip.
A few blocks away from our school, on our way to a pumpkin farm last Fall, one of my first graders was looking out the window of the bus, while she was excitedly pointing and naming all the places she recognized; - "that's where my grandma works," pointing to a supermarket warehouse. "My mom works at the bank", and that her auntie also worked somewhere. All of the sudden she stops, turns, and says to me, "How about you Mrs. Alvarez? Where do you work?" I thought that was a classic.
First Grade True Story
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said 'Holy %$#@! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Every school year with first, second, and third graders I do an activity I call "The United Shades of America." We match our skin color to "people color" paints and paint portraits and walls, make hand-print murals, and celebrate who we are and how we look. The colors are called everything from cinnamon, peach, and mahogany, to toast. When one third-grader's skin color matched the "wheat" color, he became so excited, he hollered, "I'm finally Student of the Wheat."
Buffalo, New York
We were doing a science lesson on how plants grow. The children all got a chance to plant their own seeds. As the teacher I planted a few extra seeds for the children whose plants do not sprout. After a few weeks of watching them I secretly exchanged a few. The next day one of my students said "Look teacher, it's a miracle, my plant is growing". I said "Yes, seeds sprouting is very exciting". He said,"No teacher, that's not the miracle, I ATE the SEED and it is growing anyway!"
Real teachers keep a straight face when a parent tells them their child did not complete the homework because their computer does not have Roman numerals on it. (True story!)
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; ...she's dead."
It was getting to be "sweater weather" and we had a bad case of static cling in the room. After our morning carpet time, we found a pair of ladies thong panties on the carpet! I guess they were stuck in one of the kids' sleeves.
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